The Meaning Behind It All
by kenziescott54
Summary: Daphne Greengrass' death might leave most people unaffected, but Pansy Parkinson has a different story to tell. Alchemy Assignment for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, March Event submission, and Triwizard Tournament Stage 1.3.
**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter.**

* * *

Sometimes I still hear her voice in my head, even though she's gone.

I can't help it. It was the one thing I constantly heard for all the years I lived with her.

I can get out of bed now. I can walk around my house. On a few days, I even have the strength to leave the flat and buy things.

No one understands how important she was to me. They don't understand how much of my heart she held in my hand. They don't understand when I tell them we were not in love with each other.

No one thinks as much of friendship as they do of romantic love.

But to me, it has proven to be just as important.

* * *

The death knoll came like a thief in the night.

It was only because I chanced to read the Daily Prophet that I heard about what happened. Daphne had been killed in the street by a random wizard; he'd been identified as a muggleborn whose family had been targeted during the war.

Daphne had gone to Diagon Alley because she needed something - to this day, I can't remember what it is - that she couldn't get in Muggle London. She had only been gone for three days, and I had only just started to be worried about her when I picked up my copy of the Daily Prophet (we had arranged to get it by owl at night, when the Muggles in our neighborhood - that is, everyone but us - were sleeping).

The front page headline caught my eye:

 **Pureblood witch killed in**

 **Diagon Alley for past misdeeds.**

To this day, I am furious when I think about this title. Daphne had done _nothing_ wrong except be born the child of her pureblood parents - nothing she could help! She didn't deserve her death any more than her murderer's family did.

But the Daily Prophet was sympathetic to the muggleborn - they always were - and not to Daphne. No one cared about her death - only me, the only person in the entire world that truly loved her.

* * *

In the wake of her death, as I sit alone in our shared flat and the days stretch on and on without her, I think about what brought Daphne and me together, and I realize that it is still a mystery to me.

I mull over the past twenty five years, and I realize that I still don't understand what Daphne saw in me all those years ago.

I reach into my past to find the answer, if it is to be found.

* * *

Life was difficult for the Slytherin kids, after we graduated from Hogwarts. The tide had turned; the public's favor was against us, rather than for us as it had been all our lives. It was assumed by the muggleborns that we were as radical and as guilty when it came to Pureblood ideals as all of our parents had been. We had, of course, no control over the way we'd been raised, but it was no good explaining that to all the muggleborns who'd been mistreated over the years. Most of us came to see the world differently, but it took a long time for Wizarding society to forgive us.

My family was not on my side during this time. They stuck to the Pureblood script, while I was trying to learn how to be more tolerant. So I leaned instead on Daphne, the only person I had left, because I knew that she would understand me.

Eventually, we rented a flat together in Muggle London, away from the Wizarding world, away from people's anger against us. We lived the next few years together. We faced the world together every day. We changed; we became stronger people, different people, _better_ people, I believe. And the only person I shared that journey with was Daphne, and the only person Daphne shared her journey with was me.

There was not a single person on the planet that knew me as well as she did, and there was not a single person that I loved more.

* * *

I think of all the years we lived together, and I still have not found the answer.

I reach further into my memory, searching, searching.

* * *

During our sixth year at Hogwarts, Daphne began to slip away from me. We didn't talk as much as we used to; it became less of a ritual for us to share our innermost thoughts with each other. I missed her as soon as I realized I was losing her, but by that time, it seemed to be too late to do anything about it. Soon, we were down to the point of just nodding at each other as we passed in the Hogwarts hallways.

I know now why she began to distance herself from me. I had begun to grow remarkably close to Draco Malfoy; I had a very different sort of relationship with him than the one I had with Daphne. We didn't lean on each other as much; we were just two very independent, self sufficient people trying to have a significant relationship. I shared nothing of importance with Draco, and he shared nothing of importance with me.

But most people thought that we were a great deal closer than we were; there were a lot of rumors about us going around that we never confirmed or denied. I think both of us probably enjoyed toying with people, letting them believe we were together. I don't know why; we were children, and we were stupid.

I believe that Daphne was jealous of both of us. She was jealous of Malfoy, because she thought that he had replaced her in my life and that I was paying less attention to her because I had him. She was also jealous of me, because she was in love with Draco; but that was something she'd never told me, and so I never knew about it until later.

I came to lean on Draco more than I used to as I lost Daphne. But I eventually learned that he wasn't who I thought he was at all. He broke at the end of his sixth year; when he returned to Hogwarts at the start of his seventh year he was a ghost of his former self, and he wanted nothing to do with anyone anymore, least of all me.

So I returned to Daphne. I went to her first, because for our entire friendship from the time that we were eleven years old, Daphne had always sought me out first when something was wrong. I figured it was time to repay her. I told her how sorry I was for turning my back on her; I told her how much I needed her; I told her that I wanted to be her friend again.

She told me in return that she thought I'd forgotten her; she told me also how she had once felt about Malfoy, and I understood then what had happened between her and me. Of course, that was all over; no one even knew who Malfoy was anymore, least of all him, and we all left him alone.

But Daphne and I were friends again. We became inseparable; we did everything together. I believe I was more like Daphne's sister than her actual sister. I certainly knew her better.

* * *

Still I'm searching, and still I don't have the answer. So I go all the way back to the beginning.

* * *

I was not a popular girl when I first came to Hogwarts.

In my later years, I have been told that, at school, I seemed like the leader in my 'clique.' The instigator, the one everyone followed.

But to begin with, that girl wasn't me. It was Daphne.

Most of the pureblood children sorted into my year - Nott, Crabbe, Goyle, Malfoy, Bulstrode, Davis, etc. - already knew each other. We'd all sort of grown up in the same circles, and so we came to Hogwarts with an understanding of who was who in the Pureblood circles. We knew who was the most important (kids like Malfoy, because of his father's connections) and who was the least important (kids like Crabbe and Goyle, whose families didn't have much other than their Pureblood names).

I was on the lower end of the food chain. The Parkinsons were an old Pureblood family, but we had lost much of our wealth over the years. At the time at which I was sorted into Hogwarts, my family was allowed into Pureblood society only because we were part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight - not because we had connections, money, or anything else worth having.

So I would have been an outcast at Hogwarts, if it hadn't been for Daphne.

I never knew why Daphne took me under her wing. She didn't need me; the Greengrass family, while not as prestigious as the Malfoys or the Blacks (though the latter name was dying out) were very respectable in their own right. But Daphne was always coming to speak to me when I hid in the corner of the common room because I was too timid to join in the conversation of the others.

Soon, they began to accept me as one of their own. I knew it was only because Daphne did, but I didn't care; I was finally a part of them. I was incredibly grateful to Daphne, but she would never hear my thanks.

As time went on, she gradually slid out of the limelight, and somehow (I was never really sure how it happened) I was pushed into it. The girls that used to take their cues from Daphne in any given situation were now taking their cues from me. I had Malfoy's attention, which was something we all wanted at the time, even though we knew how cold he could be.

I was happy, and it was Daphne who had done the thing that made me happy. Every now and then, I tried to get her to tell me what she wanted in return. But she never answered me.

Several years passed this way at Hogwarts. I became used to my position, but I never left Daphne behind me. We became very close friends during our early years; we shared everything with each other.

In the wake of the Second Wizarding War, now that people really are starting to voice their opinions our Purebloods, I have heard many people say that it isn't possible for two Slytherins to have a true friendship because we put ourselves first.

That has been true for every other person in my life; I never gave affection to anyone unless they could give me something in return. My relationships with my parents, my friends, the people I dated - every relationship I ever had, in fact, worked like that.

Daphne was the only person that I really and truly loved. I know that now. There is a sort of love that I would argue transcends normal, romantic love; and that is what Daphne and I had.

* * *

"Why, Daphne?" I say into the silence, as if she can hear me, as if she would answer me. "Why? Why did you pick me?"

And for once, the silence seems to answer me: Does it matter?

Daphne loved me, I knew that. And I loved her. Maybe it didn't matter why; maybe it was enough that she did.

It has been six weeks since her death. The world has already forgotten her, but I will mourn her until the day I die.

* * *

 **Arithmancy Assignment** : A friend is like the aether because in peoples' lives they fill a huge part of their hearts. This week's task will be to write about the importance of friendship.

 **Triwizard Tournament Restriction** : Must include reference to character death.

 **March Event:** Genre: Angst

 **And finally, my personal challenge** : Telling a story in reverse.


End file.
